It’s Mother’s Day and it’s a day to celebrate moms everywhere. Days like today bring up many different emotions for so many women. As I sent “Happy Mother’s Day” messages to so many of the special women in my life today, I reflected on the emotions that they may be feeling on this day. Some feelings I’ve experienced personally, and some that I can only imagine because of what I have watched them go through. Each of them are absolutely remarkable in my eyes and I wanted to share a special message with each of these incredible women.
To the imperfect mothers: You are my people!! You had plans when you were pregnant that you’d never make one single mistake and then real life happened. You open your eyes every morning thanking God for a new day. You vow to be the patient, sweet and a fun mother while juggling career, motherhood, maintaining a physique that somewhat resembles a 20-something year old figure and being a phenomenal wife. You’re exhausted just thinking about it all. You still vow that you are going to get it ALL right today and then your feet hit the floor and you get out of bed. The kids are screaming and fighting and you still haven’t had your coffee so you scream for them to be quiet just seconds after you just vowed to be patient and sweet. Because you are an all or nothing kind of person, since you’ve already screamed like a crazy woman, you decide your great plans for today have already been ruined so you decide against that workout that you need to get in great shape and just head for cake for breakfast instead. Sigh….there’s always tomorrow to try to be perfect. And since Perfect does not exist, I’ll just save you the time and energy and tell you to just keep being the best version of YOU. After all, don’t forget you do THE hardest job on the planet and do not collect a salary for it. You do it because you love those children so much it hurts and all you want is for them to be happy. That alone makes you a wonderful mother.
To the moms that play both roles of Mom and Dad: You are an absolute ROCKSTAR. Seriously. I see you and know you’re exhausted and you beat yourself up because you’re feeling guilty that you can’t spend as much “fun” time with your children because someone has to pay the bills and provide for them and that someone is you. You don’t get days off and days like today come and go because unless your kids are old enough to cook for you or take you out to lunch or dinner to celebrate the strong and beautiful mother you are, you are cooking and doing everything that you usually do every single day. You drive the kids to sports and to their part-time jobs. You cheer them on tirelessly and make sure they know that they are special and can accomplish absolutely anything they put their minds to with hard work. However, you work hard, you love hard and you beat yourself up hard. Please stop because YOU are a superwoman.
To the woman that wishes she could see her own mom again. I know you would love to see her smile, hear her laugh and be given the chance to say all of the things you need her to know because you wonder if you ever really made it all clear to her when she was living. You just want to sit and chat with her about everything and nothing at all. You wonder if she’s proud of you and you wonder what she would say or do in a certain situation. You need her advice. You just really need a hug from her right now. You want to hear that it’s all going to be ok. You would give anything to see her, smell her, hug her and tell her you love her. I wish so badly that I could give you that today but what I can do is tell you that I know with 100% certainty that she is so very proud of you. She is with you every second of every day. She is still your rock and is watching over you with the same love and care as she always has. She can hear you and all of those “signs” that you feel silly believing are from her, stop feeling like that. Those signs are her, indeed. Never stop looking for or believing in those because they are always from her.
To the woman that wishes she had a good and loving relationship with her mother: You wish that you got to experience growing up with a mother that was the perfect example of a kind and loving mother. If you’re a mother yourself, you feel like you’re winging motherhood completely because you never got to see a positive role model. You want to be able to call your mother and visit, have mother/daughter days and you may wish your children got to experience the love of a grandmother. You feel guilty and hurt more because not only did you miss out on a having a relationship with your mother like so many others, but now your children miss out, too. You’re a big girl now, so you feel completely silly even still feeling sad about this. After all, you are a mother now, but you know what, because you’re a mom and love your children more than life itself, you have a harder time understanding how a mother could stay away from their children when they still are on this earth. I see you and I completely get how it makes it hurt even more after all of these years.
To the woman that has lost a child: You know heart break like no other because a piece of your heart that lived outside of your body and walked the earth is no longer here today. Sure, they’ll tell you that life can still be beautiful and you may have other children to still celebrate with. But what they’re not really getting is that your life has permanently changed since that day when you lost a piece of your heart. You hurt so much because you have so many questions you want answered with the biggest one just being, “WHY?”. People will often try to say the right thing to help console you or to give you an answer to your question but really you just want them to keep quiet. Truth is, you don’t need them to say anything. You just want them to be there and remember that your pain doesn’t just go away no matter how many years have now passed since that special piece of your heart went away. You want people to know that “Time heals all wounds” doesn’t ever apply to this heartache. You just want them to remember and understand that. I am in awe of your strength.
To the woman struggling to have children: It’s all you’ve ever dreamed of since being a little girl. You know in your heart you’re meant to be a mother but you cannot understand why it seems like this dream will never come to pass. You feel hopeless. Every month you think, “Maybe this is it”, but it isn’t…not yet. You try to not feel bitterness or anger towards those women that got pregnant “without even really trying”. You wonder why them and not you since you have been trying SO hard. You’re tired of pretending you’re happy for others and breaking down when you’re all alone. You can’t attend one more baby shower. You keep praying. You keep dreaming about the day when you finally become a mother. You know people may try to help and offer advice to make you feel better or tell you stories of others that once struggled before, but are now parents so that you feel inspired and hopeful. You know they mean well, but you wish they’d just stop. You just want them to try to understand where you’re at even though they personally may have not experienced what you’re going through right now. You just want them to be there with you for you to lean on when you need them. You want them in your corner because you plan to continue on the journey to becoming a mom one day. I am in your corner and keeping the faith for you especially when it’s tough for you to keep yours.
To the woman that takes in other’s children: You have incredibly big hearts. You could be a foster mom or a mother that has stepped up to the plate when another mother was struggling with her own personal battle and the children were left behind. You step in without any questions being asked. You know it’s going to be hard and is a sacrifice but you don’t even think twice because all you can focus on right now is making sure those children are loved and cared for. And these situations are never easy. Usually the child is dealing with fears and hurt that you could not even fathom. The child may have behaviors or need a lot of extra attention but you don’t even hesitate to step in because you have a heart like no other and a special gift. You’re an amazing example to your own children on how to love and help others.
To the woman that does not want children: You’ve always known you didn’t want to be a mom. You always just wanted to be BAE, Best. Aunt. Ever. Or maybe you just always wanted to only be a Mom to fur babies that never talk back and don’t ever break their curfew. They also love your cooking and never outgrow your cuddles. Some people may think it’s odd that you never wanted your own children and have quite the way of interrogating you on your decision to make sure this is really, really what you want. They don’t get that you really just love your life and the freedom you have and the fact that you feel as though you have the best of both worlds. You get to swoop in and be the cool aunt for a weekend or an overnight but then give them back. There’s definitely a part of you that feels that you’re a hell of a lot smarter than the parents that walk around like zombies because of little sleep. You may have a point. 😉 I think you’re fabulous and love you, BAE.